Being a pastor’s wife has its challenges, but so does being a military wife, a politician’s wife, a teacher’s wife, or a doctor’s wife.  With every man’s work or ministry, there are things that are difficult on the wife and family, whether it be the hours he works, the amount of time he spends away from home, or the criticism he receives. 

That said, know that the following post is not an attempt to say that being a pastor’s wife is harder than any of the other professions I mentioned above.  This is just what I know, and I write from that experience.

Few things are harder than hearing my husband criticized.  I would rather someone tell me to my face that they hate my guts than to hear in passing that they are upset with my husband.  (I know this is not a unique struggle to pastor’s wives.)

Recently, the Lord has, I believe, placed on my heart a phrase that He would have me live out.  As I have reflected upon how He would have me live my life as a pastor’s wife, I believe I am to have “a hard shell, but a soft heart.”

Allow me to explain.  Having a hard shell allows me to deflect the darts of criticism, anger, gossip, dissension and ignore the ways the enemy (Satan, not people) is trying to bring me down.  When I have a soft shell, I get hurt easily, feel wounded, and am bogged-down by the negative things people say about me or my husband.

Having a soft heart allows me to continue to love the people to whom we are called to minister, and to exude grace to those around me.  When I have a hard heart, I become bitter, feel neglected, and am focused on ways to “get back at” people who have hurt me.

To my shame, I get these turned around all the time.  I am a sinner saved by grace and I desire to walk victoriously over sin.  There are days and even season where I stumble, yet the Lord is always patient with me.

My prayer continues to be that I have a hard shell, but a soft heart.