Hospitality: The Conversation

This post is part of my ongoing series on hospitality.

A reader submitted this question to me:

I wanted to put in a post request if I could — could you talk about what should actually occur during a get-together {besides eating}? Meaning, what should we talk about? And, how do you know the evening was a “success”? What is the goal or purpose of hospitality — other than giving of your time, resources, etc.? You touched on it a bit, but was hoping you could go into a bit more detail. In particular, you talked about building community and sharing our lives. Do you have any thoughts on when your guests don’t reciprocate with an invitation to their homes or when you just rarely see them after they’ve come over and the “building” and “sharing” stop?

Great questions!

What should we talk about?
If it’s a family/individual/couple you don’t know very well, start with basic “get-to-know you” questions.  Examples: Where did you grow up? For a couple: How did you meet? What is your occupation? What are some of your hobbies? What books are you reading? What brought you to such-and-such church? Where did you grow up?  Do you have siblings?
Learn to engage people and ask good follow-up questions.  Keep them talking!  As your relationship progresses, you can ask deeper questions.
Examples: What are some lessons God taught you through ___ (parenting, job, ministry, etc.)?  Of parents: Do you have any parenting advice for me regarding ___ (an issue you’re currently dealing with with your kids)? What is God currently teaching you?
Something my parents have done over the years is ask: How can we be praying for you? as the evening draws to a close.  Whether you have a prayer time at the end of your visit is up to you, but just asking this simple question can really help you get to a deeper level with the people you are showing hospitality towards.  I know I need to be more intentional about doing this!

How do you know the evening was a “success”?
If you’re just starting out showing hospitality, just doing it is a success!  But regarding the conversation, I would say that if you feel like you’ve gotten to know the other person or family better during the evening, it is a success.  If you have been a blessing to someone else, it is a success.

What is the goal of hospitality?
I think there are several goals of hospitality.  First, it demonstrates obedience to God’s command.  Secondly, it should be a blessing to the recipient.  They should feel Christ’s love in a tangible, physical way.  Thirdly, we want hospitality to be a vehicle through which we share our lives with one another.  By asking how we can pray for one another, we are opening up our hearts and sharing what’s truly going on.  This is something that rarely happens on a Sunday morning chatting after church, but can happen in our homes because of the comfort level and lack of time restraints.

What if they don’t reciprocate?
Sometimes you’ll “click” better than other times.  It’s okay if you get together with someone once but they don’t invite you over in return.  We give in order to bless others, not to receive something back.  If there is a strong connection, it’s fine to invite them again even if they haven’t invited you to their home.  This is more about biblical love than about social convention.

Your turn… what are some questions you like to ask people when getting to know them better?