This post is part of my ongoing series on hospitality.
An important aspect of your hospitality ministry should be to include people from all seasons of life as you are able – singles, couples, children, widows, etc. I think it’s especially important that we include singles (young, middle-aged, and older!) in our hospitality ministry (not just the dinners and parties we host in our homes, but the Bible studies and church activities we plan as well).
I recently had a reader submit this testimony regarding the ministry of hospitality:
As a mid-30’s bachelor, I’ve had quite a few opportunities to enjoy hospitality from my friends who have young children. One of the things that I MOST enjoy about these times is being included in the chaos of family life as both a “witness” and a participant. A few examples:
- I find it valuable to be able to observe as my friends seek to maintain order in the house, including those times when they find it necessary to discipline their children. Should I ever have kids of my own, I think I will benefit from being able to observe how they handle these challenges.
- I get a kick out of the dynamics of family meals. One occasion I fondly remember and am chuckling about as I write about it here is the time that a friend’s child asked his father if he could have some of my peas, as the serving bowl was empty and I had some left over on my plate. Over to his plate mine went. There’s something comforting in moments like that, perhaps a sense of really being included in the lives of others (something that can be a challenge as a bachelor).
- I enjoy the opportunity to seek to serve my friends wives around mealtimes by setting the table and doing the dishes, sometimes all by myself while they put the children to bed. I hope it is something that they receive as a bit of welcome burden-lifting.
- I don’t know how others feel about this, but I’m perfectly happy to be given “chores” to do as part of the meal–whether it is by bringing a specific thing with me, by setting the table, by helping with cleanup, or whatever. It’s a normal part of family life for everyone who is able to chip in, and I’m glad to experience the informality and intimacy that comes with being treated as a member of the family rather than a guest who is to be catered to at every moment.
Here are some more ideas for including singles in your hospitality:
- Invite singles to be a part of normal family dinners (like referenced above).
- Include singles in parties and gatherings you are hosting with other families.
- Fix a plate of food for a single neighbor or nearby friend.
- Share things like a bowl of cut-up watermelon with widows or single friends (often they won’t buy an entire watermelon since they couldn’t eat it all before it went bad).
- Make sure your Bible studies are friendly towards single people and not just targeted toward wives or moms.
- Ask a single person to serve alongside you in a hospitality ministry at your church.
What ways can you seek to include some single people in your hospitality ministry in the next few weeks or months?
Seriously?
Did you just write an entire post putting “single people” in their own special, sad little category? Like somehow being unmarried is a tragic condition that requires your pity and condescension?
Listen. I’m 26 years old, and divorced. I have chosen singleness over an abusive marriage. And I neither want or need special attention from you because I’m single. Be my friend because you want to be my friend, not because you want to be self-righteous and feel good about yourself that you’re reaching out to “that poor single girl”.
Quite frankly, if you brought me a bowl of your leftover watermelon because you don’t think I would buy a whole one myself, I would look you square in the eye and refuse it. Because I am single, I am employed, and if I want a watermelon, I WILL BUY A WATERMELON. And the fact that you think I wouldn’t just because I’m single only proves your own naivete.
You went straight from college to marriage to motherhood. You seem happy about it, and if that works for you, more power to you. But those of us on a different life path than you are happy too, even if that means that we are single while doing it…Please, for the sake of your own credibility as a pastor’s wife, don’t categorize people based on their marital status. You will only drive people away.
Dear Anonymous,
Thank you for your comment and for sharing your thoughts on this issue. I certainly did not intend for this post to come off as condescending or as though I believe that single people deserve pity or their own “sad category,” as you put it. I am glad that you are happy with your season of life and with the choices you have made.
I wrote this from my perspective that singles should be treated like anyone else in our circle of influence – invited to parties, included in church activities, etc. I have seen a lot of exclusion happening in ministry, and I want to avoid that. Just because they are not part of a “couple” doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be invited to a dinner party or a Bible study at church.
About the watermelon comment, I was actually primarily thinking of some older widows I know personally who would never buy a huge watermelon and WOULD appreciate someone sharing with them. You are at a different season of life than that, so I’m sorry I offended you by implying that you wouldn’t (or couldn’t) buy a watermelon.
Thank you for taking the time to comment! I appreciate your insights!
Aliesha